My first pregnancy

My first pregnancy is what I would consider a "normal" or "typical" pregnancy, I had morning sickness, my boobs were sore, I was tired and I got migraines. But I loved every minute of it, as feeling that crappy was due to the fact I had our baby growing inside me.

At 13 weeks we had our first ultrasound, it was magical, seeing our baby up on that screen wriggling around, it just really made the situation all the more real. That was our child, we had made him or her and they were really on they're way. We were so amazed at how much our baby looked like a baby at just 13 weeks, we weren't expecting everything to be so developed. We showed off the video of the ultrasound to everyone, just gushing at out tiny bubs. It was one of the best days of my life. Just seeing my baby and knowing that what I have wanted for so long, was actually happening to me.

At all of our doctor appointments our baby was heathy and happy, at 16 weeks I got to hear the heartbeat, it was so surreal. Everything was going so smoothly. We never thought things would change so dramatically so quickly.

On the 21st of May 2009, I was 19 weeks pregnant and Mike and I were in the waiting room waiting for our morphology ultrasound. We were still trying to decide whether or not to find out the sex of our baby (we had originally said no, but I was having second thoughts), but we came to the agreement that we wanted to have that "movie moment" of the announcement when our baby was born, so we would not find out today. We finally got called in and everything got started. The gel was put on my belly and the ultrasound began. The man didn't really say much to begin with, but I figured because he was male, maybe he just wasn't as excited or talkative as a female when it came to doing the ultrasounds. Mike and I both started to get a bit nervous, when the man turned to us and said he would be back in a minute, he just had to get a colleague of his, and he walked out the room. I turned to Mike with tears in my eyes, we just looked at each other, we both knew something was wrong.

The man came back in with a woman and they stared up the ultrasound again, they were taking measurements of our baby and according to the measurement, our baby was only measuring at 17 weeks instead of 19. I kept thinking to myself "PLEASE can our baby just be small, I can deal with a small baby, please.....". Mike finally asked if there was something wrong, and thats when we were told, there was no movement, no heartbeat, our baby was gone.