The Death of our Daughter

After finding out our baby was dead, the day became a blur. Making those horrible phone calls to family to tell them what had happened, just holding each other and crying, and being told what steps were to be taken now. It was explained to us that as I was under 20 weeks, I could decide whether or not I wanted to be induced and give birth to our baby, or if I would rather go under general anesthetic and have a curette. If I chose to have a curette they would have to cut our baby in order to get them out of me. I was so torn, I hated the idea of my baby being cut up inside me, but I didn't know whether I was mentally strong enough to give birth knowing that I wouldn't hear my baby cry when they came out, knowing I was pushing out my deceased child.

Even though I hated the two choices I was given, I had to chose one. I felt so guilty, but I felt for the sake of my mental health, I would opt for the curette. Almost everyone from our 2 families came to the hospital that day, they gathered around Mike and I in the emergency room while we waited for the operation to be ready for me. The love and support we felt that day was just amazing, there is no way I would ever have gotten thru this experience if it wasn't for our families and friends supporting us.

When we were told everything was ready I got really nervous, this was going to be the last time I would have my baby in my belly, the last time they would be a part of me. I held my tummy and I said goodbye. Mike held my hand and we told told each other how much we loved each other and we had one last kiss before I got wheeled away into the operating theater.

I woke up in recovery and was told the operation went well. I remember thinking "How did it go well?? My baby was dead!". Mike came into the room and we just held each other. We got taken to my room for the night and Mike stayed by my side. There was no way any of the hospital staff were going to tell Mike to go home after what we had gone thru. They bought in a trundle bed and some extra blankets for him, and in the middle of the night when I broke down in tears again, he was there, holding me.

Mike in every way shape and form is my soul mate, he has seen me at my lowest, and at my highest. We have gone thru tremendously happy moments together, and unfortunately some extremely sad moments. But throughout it all our love has grown deeper and stronger.