Wow, what a journey. This blog has been everything I wanted it to be. My outlet, getting my feelings on paper (so to speak) out in the open. No more hiding, no more bottling it up. I am truly in a great place right now because of it. Logan turned 1 yesterday and I couldn't be happier. The anniversary of Alburys death is coming up and I have no fears what so ever. I no longer think of Logan or associate him with Alburys death. They are their own people. I have 2 children, 1 alive, 1 past away.
And so for my last post, I thought I would finish with a letter I wrote to Logan for his 1st Birthday, here it is:
Dear Logan, my baby boy,
Wow, you’re one! Time has just flown by so quickly. In a blink of an eye you have grown up so much. What a journey we have had so far. My pregnancy was very eventful with you, with a few scares and minor bumps along the way, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that your first year wasn’t any different. But we have come leaps and bounds, and we did it together!
Im so sorry for putting you through some hard times, it wasn’t mummy’s fault. A horrible monster called PND had caught me and had put me under a trance, so much so that I couldn’t even recognise you anymore! But you, my little knight in shining amour, helped me fight the monster. You saved me little man; saved me from the sad and lonely dungeon that PND had held me captive in. I will forever be thankful that you took me away from that place. Thank you for not giving up on me and bringing me back to life.
Your personality has really started to blossom recently; it has been incredible to witness. You seem a bit like me at the moment, never staying with one project too long. So many options out there, how can you pick just one and stick with it when you look around and see so many other opportunities!! You don’t really have any favourite toys at the moment because of this reason; you float about your playroom, going from one thing to another, giving everything a chance to entertain you. You are definitely not closed-minded; you will give everything a go. However when you do decided to go for something, there is no stopping you. You can be very stubborn; you get that from mummy too! I have loved watching you grow into such an incredible little man. You are such a happy boy, nothing fazes you, and you just go with the flow, very much like daddy. I hope some of that stays with you when you’re older. Just know that whatever happens, as long as you are happy, that’s all that matters.
Every time you learn something new it has been such a proud moment for me. I don’t think I will ever stop being proud of you and of who you become. I remember the first time you rolled, started babbling away, or crawling among other things. You always have an amazed look on your face once you finally accomplish what you have been trying to do; it’s just so gorgeous to see. It has all been so exciting to watch and I’m so eager to watch you continue to learn.
I love watching you with your dad, you seem like you are so in awe of him. It’s beautiful seeing you two rolling around, smiling each other. Or seeing you laugh every time you beep your daddy’s nose. My boys are my life, and I love you two so much.
My baby boy, you have made my life so perfect. You give me purpose, you make me laugh, and you make me happy. I will always be here for you, good and bad, just the way you are always here for me. Words really cannot explain how much I love you, I don’t think you will ever really know, but just know that I do love you, and I will support you no matter what.
Love you forever, Mummy xox
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