I have a massive fear that I will ruin Mikes Birthday tomorrow, all week I have been thinking about the following day, Alburys Birthday. I havent been able to sleep because I have not been able to switch my brain off, I know what I want to do that day, and I cant stop thinking about it, it makes me so sad to think about having to take Logan to the cemetery to see his sister on her birthday, it makes me cry to think about us singing happy birthday to our dead daughter.
Im so scared that for the rest of Mikes life his birthday will be overshadowed by Alburys. What should be a happy day for him will turn out shit because of how upsetting the next day will be.
I want Mike to have a great day, I want us to have fun, but you cant control how you are going to feel day to day. Im so happy that my wonderful sister has agreed to have Logan for the night as it not only gives Mike and I some alone time to enjoy his big day, but if things go badly, or we are both not dealing well the next morning, at least we both know Logan is being taken care of.
Having Alburys due date so close to Mikes birthday was such a wonderful thing when everything was going so well, but now its just a constant reminder of what we dont have.
Mike is turning 27, Albury should be turning 1, but she is not. I have my fingers crossed that I can suck it up and give Mike the wonderful birthday he deserves.
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