Well its been ages since I felt I had anything useful to say on here, was going to shut down the blog earlier in the week, but just forgot. Then I had yet another breakdown.
Ive been really snappy at Mike recently, not really knowing why, but even the slightest thing he did or said could set me off. Now I have finally decided to let myself realise why this is happening, and now Im going to attempt to explain it. Im not mad at Mike (well I guess in some ways I am), but I envy him.
When Logan was born he became a daddy, but then he went back to work, continued playing video games, watching the same old stuff on the computer, talked about the same things with friends, he was still "Mike". This was completely different to what I went through. When Logan was born I became mummy, I stayed home with Logan, fed him, bathed him, changed his nappy, settled him when he was sick. When I left the house it was to go to mothers group or Rhythm and Rhyme Time. When I was driving, Logan was there, when I was shopping, Logan was there, sometimes even when I had a shower, Logan was there.
Ive lost myself. I absolutely LOVE being a mum and staying home with Logan, watching him grow, it seems every day something new happens. However, I feel that is what my life is now. Im no longer Charlotte, I am Logans mum, Mikes wife.
This post doesnt really have an ending yet, Im still trying to figure out what to do next, how to claim myself back. But at least its given me something to wake the blog up with!
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